Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn

As a kid who was head deep in competitive sports growing up, winning took a very intense meaning; get more points than the opposing team, cross the finish line first, jump the highest or the furthest. You needed to always be better than someone else. That is what they taught us, and that is what is expected from a "winning" team. Mostly, I was a part of a team of 12-15 girls, and to say it was always an emotional experience would be an understatement. Lots of blood, sweat, and mostly tears.Winning was always very serious for us and beating our rivals was ecstasy.

Once I started playing agility as my only sport, and grew up as a person, I've come to realize a lot of things about winning. Get this - winning isn't actually about winning. 

I've been adopting the mantra "Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn" for a long while now. It first seemed the most relevant this year at tryouts when we had a not-so-good first day. As society would see it, I was losing big time, and that's how I felt. But I took a second to look at what I was doing with my dog, and I realized I couldn't be losing entirely if I was there in the first place. I remember instagramming a blurry photo of Mach playing with toy from that day, and I felt it represented everything I was soaking in. I captioned "You either win, or you learn. Somehow we're always doing both." (obviously my ability to quote things is a little sketchy). But what I think is important here is this - there is no chance of losing if you're learning, in which case, you'll always be winning. Even if you are at the top, never miss the opportunity to learn and to grow. 

No matter what you're doing, whether it's playing agility with your dog in the backyard, or on the international stage. Whether you're on a university sports team, or the debate team...you can always win whether you come in first place or not. 

I know I used that exact line in a previous post, but I have been writing this particular post in my head for a couple months now. I've seen countless competitors over the years react to "losing" as if it were a dead end. One little mistake can take away a palpable victory, but that doesn't mean you can't find a million other victories that mean more than a fancy ribbon or trophy. You can have humility, and sportsmanship, and honesty. 

"Too bad it wasn't clean" and "What a heart breaker" are things that deem that run unsuccessful, and therefore a loss. A lot of people would see a run with a missed contact, a couple of knocked bars, or a refusal and think that person would be upset because they didn't "win"; because they lost the Q. Although the Q certainly feels good because you can hold something in your hands and say "Yeah, we did that!", does the Q really matter at the end of the day?

All photos by Tamara Gallant (Thanks girl!) 

What I think matters at the end of the day, and what I think winning is have nothing to do with the Q. It has to do with the relationship and the feelings you get when you run your best friend. Winning is trusting yourself and your dog, and walking up to the start line with confidence.Winning is laughing when you make a mistake.  Winning is having fun, loving the sport, the dogs, and the people.Winning is being proud of yourself and your dog when things go wrong, and when they go right. Winning is congratulating those who beat you, and those who didn't - and meaning it. Winning is connecting with your dog around the entire course. Winning is balance inside and outside the ring. Winning is a lot of things, but it doesn't have to be "winning" at all.

You don't have to always be better than someone else. The best victories can be when you do your personal best. If you're always trying to be better than someone else, you'll miss all the small victories you are achieving along the way. Sure, have external motivators, but without any internal motivators, you can only get so far.

Learn from your mistakes, be confident, and hug your dog. That's how I win.

 

Hey Mach, let's go to Europe!

Leading into this EO was much different than last year. Already having another EO under our belts helped me prepare for this one. We've actually done very little competing, and our training sessions aren't intensive what so ever. I was so relaxed going into it, and I think that's why we were so successful. What didn't change, though, is the amount of support from dog and non dog friends alike. I can train as hard as I want to, but without all of your support, I couldn't make it to where I have without you. So, a big big thank you to all of you beautiful people. :)

Our travelling weekend started off with a drive down to Salisbury to run in two standard runs before our flight out of Moncton the next morning. He ran the way I wanted him to run, and even though there was a little disappointment with the inconsistent ruling on what to do when there is no time, I was happy he got his standard even though he officially didn't. Sometimes you win, and sometimes you have to win again another day. ;) (Also, a big congrats to Tony & Blaze who earned their Lifetime that night...so happy I was there to see it :))

Next was an early morning flight to Toronto to meet up with Andre and Ben, and our lovely hostess Laura, who really kicks a lot of ass. It was a lot of sleeping, and lounging for the most part of the weekend, but we did go for a nice hike in some beautiful tall trees before our next flight from Toronto to Munich. Travelling with us is never a dull moment. This time, however, it wasn't necessarily Mom and I that made it a party. I'll save that heck of a story for Andre to tell. He'll maybe blog about it in a year or so. P.S it sucked, but my advice is to check how long your passport has to be valid for before entering certain countries.

After sprinting to our flight, and being the last ones on the plane, not getting seats together, and asking a reluctant German man to switch because it was my "first time flying" (when will they stop believing us??), Mom and I were set to jet! There was free liquor AND tilting screens! BEST DAY EVER (oh my goodness, so many belly laughs).

Due to Andre's misadventures of not getting on the plane, and the car rental being in his name, Mom and I were a bit stressed about how we were going to get across Europe if they wouldn't give us the van. In the end, it was no problem to switch it into Mom's name, but the problem was that the van was a standard (oh, this is after Mom thought she didn't pack her drivers license, me thinking I had to drive across Europe, and the company trying to give us a 9 passenger bus). Long story short, Mom hasn't driven a standard in 30 years, so you can imagine her face when she had to drive on the autobahn to an unknown location, of unknown people, through streets that are wide enough for maybe one cow, up a steep driveway, and park it next to a very fancy Beamer. After stalling it 6 times just getting out of the parking garage, burning up the clutch, getting lost, and many muttered "I'm going to kill Andre"'s later, we made it to Siegsdorf, Germany to Sissi's parents farm!

Unfortunately, the weather was not cooperating with us, and it was pouring rain and freezing cold. We had planned on going hiking in the Alps, since the mountains are literally in their backyard, but you couldn't even see them it was so cloudy. We decided to go see a castle instead, but accidentally laid down and fell asleep for three hours. We ended up just going for a short walk, and met some cows along the way. We called it an early night, since our books were falling out of our hands while reading because we were falling asleep.

4:30am came too quickly, and then we were off again to Vienna to pick up Andre from the airport. Austria is beautiful. I wanted to spend years there. The mountains are stunning, and I likely said "oh my gosh, I could cry" at least a hundred times. I never actually cried, but it *could* have happened.

Andre got into the driver's seat, and we took the M7 to Budapest. We were going to enjoy Europe whether or not it was raining, dammit! There was the birth of our band "Jaegah" (Jeri, Andre, Erin, Germany, Austria, Hungary...we are SO creative) by our rendition of All of Me by John Legend, confusing vignette stands, and hotels named after spices. We got off the seamless highway and made our way into Budapest where the roads were less than stellar. But the buildings...the buildings are stunning. We tried flagging down someone who could speak English to point us in the direction of an Italian restaurant. There I used my genetic prowess while the cook made my first meal in Hungary, then we buzzed Kiss' apartment, scared the crap out of an old lady while we lurked around the door, and went temple hunting.

The temple was nice and all, but then we looked across the river and there she was. The parliament building. Mach was so excited about it, he jumped up onto a ledge where there was pretty much a story drop to the ground.  Good grief, this dog! What is it about Europe and thinking he can fly?! After talking to a homeless guy that wasn't a homeless guy to help with parking, Mom and I walked over to the parliament building to snap a few photos. I was thoroughly impressed by the side of the building, and was satisfied with just looking at that, but then we walked around the side and saw the entire thing. Maybe it's because I haven't seen a lot of really big, beautiful buildings at an age where I could really appreciate them, but I was absolutely blown away by it. Please, go to Budapest.

Mom then got involved in the changing of the guards, and I almost got hit by a tram. But I continued my obsession with their doors, and made sure to take photos of basically every single one. We had telepathic moments about "gelatooo", then on the drive to Kaposvar, Jaegah was reborn during our performance of "Oranges". To us, this was a definite highlight, but I'm not sure it'll make much sense or even be funny to anyone else. Long story short, Mom fell for the classic "If you say 'oranges' slowly, it sounds like 'gullible'" joke, and Andre made fun of me for how I said "bulk upload" when I was talking about my desperate struggle to find wifi and upload instagrams. So, when this techno song came on the radio, we made a remix with "oranges", "gelato", and "bulk upload", and it was freaking amazing.

Then there was a slew of imaginary things. For example, imaginary speed limits, imaginary Real stores, and imaginary hotels, with imaginary entrances. I don't know about you, but from what I hear Candi Chandelier and Hungarian Butterfly had a great first night in Hungary.

There was a part of me that had sort of forgotten why we were there, so the unofficial practice was good for me to get back in the game, and the official practice really got me in gear. I felt so ready and excited to get going!

The event itself I think was a success. The lower jump heights made me so happy, the footing was great, and despite the huge number of competitors from all of the world, it was very relaxing. Canada was squeezed into a small tent, and the heat was unlike any heat I've ever experienced. There was no escaping it, except for when we all had a wet tshirt contest, but most countries just decided to take their shirts off completely. Who can? Canada Cannot. ;)

All in all, I think Canada *can* and did! We really showed those Germans that we are contenders on the international stage. A definite highlight was seeing multiple Canadian flags up on the podium on the toughest course known to man kind. I was so proud that Canada was represented well in the finals, and I think we all went away from the event with a bit more Canadian pride than when we showed up. I know I certainly did.

As for Mach....well, I fell in love with that boy even more. I feel like I say that every day, but it's true. The entire trip he was amazing. He travelled so well, didn't seem to be stressed at all, and was on fire the entire event. The first day were the team events, and since I was so excited to get going, I released him way too soon from his startline and got too far behind for my blind cross at #3. Even with the refusal, I loved that run! After waiting another 6 hours on top of the 3 hours we just did, we ran Team Standard. I didn't think it was a hard course, but it was certainly fun! The tough turn from the ascending double into the weave poles got us, where he completely demolished the jump, but again, I loved that run! I was so proud of our first day. Even though our team G=MC² didn't fair well in the scores, I loved our fist bumps before our runs, and I think we were all happy with our day!

photo by Vince Maidens

We arrived the next morning five minutes before having to walk the course for our individual runs. Sigh, always last minute! The courses were much more difficult than the day before, and overall, were much harder than the year before. It has been said by many people that the large individual agility course was the toughest one they have ever run in a competition. The stats on that course were that 200/380 were eliminated, and after discussing it with some team mates, we noted that it wasn't just in one point on course, but everywhere had the potential for mistakes big or small to earn you that E. Canada was up first to run this course, and after knowing how many dogs it ate up, I'm so proud of how many clean runs we had on it. Although Mach and I weren't clean on that run, we didn't get eliminated and I'm calling that a success!

photo by Anna Skaja

Of course the last run is my most favourite run ever. I had pictured us running it clean in my head so many times, like I do for every course, but this one felt like it was going to be it! Even though he broke his startline (yes, I'm going to work on that...) and I had to change my plan on the fly, he was so responsive, and nailed that weave entry! In the end, I think we only placed 51st, but out of 380, I can't complain about it! There are so many incredible dogs out there, and I'm so glad I had the chance to run against them. Very happy to end our second EO with such a stellar run.

{Watch our video montage here!}

photo by Becky Evans

We drove through the night back to Siegsdorf to sleep for two hours, then up again bright and early to make it to the airport. Only a momentary mishap with us being on standby for our flight, even though we were three hours early, and then not being seated together....again! We are queens of switching seats at this point though. A relatively uneventful flight back, then it was the sprint to find Terminal 3...where the heck is Terminal 3?! Mom and I had a 6 hour layover until our flight, so we rushed Andre off to his, then Mach showed off all his cool tricks for people. Our flight back to Moncton was the only time I've ever wished for a middle seat..... ;)

I'm really glad the EO was in Hungary this year, because I don't think I would have ever gone there on my own. Even if it is a poor country, it is still quite beautiful. I think I will always have the urge to travel, and to see the world, but you'd have a lot of convincing to do to get me to live anywhere but Canada...because who can?! Canada can! Eh! Eh! Eh!

One last thank you goes out to my parents, especially my mama. She is hands down the most supportive person I have in my life, and none of these amazing experiences would be possible without her. She has been there every step of the way, and I'm so thankful that I can call her my best friend. Hats off to you, mama. Love ya! Until the next European adventure! :)

Scrambled Eggs

Here we are, half way through 2014 and I've only written one blog post. I told myself I would write more of these. It's not for a lack of things to write about, but rather an abundance. But I'm a fan of quality over quantity, and I want my words to be like my friends, few but radiating with meaning and purpose.

I've been trying to figure out what it is that I want to write down here - agility, obviously, since that dominates my life, but I'm sure there is something else I can say that someone who doesn't do agility wants to read about. I've been very fortunate that in my twenty years, I've been able to experience many great things, seen many beautiful places, and had amazing people to do it all with. I've also, however, had some bad things, some worse than others, in my life. Those experiences have shaped me just as much as the good experiences have, and just like everyone else, I have something to say about it. No, I don't want this space to be about struggles and how they momentarily broke me, but rather, I'd like this space to be about how I grow, and learn, adventure, and build castles out of the bricks people throw at me. I think that's a good start.

I never wrote about making the EO agility team - long story short, the wait was certainly worth it. The community that I play in has always been the most supportive. Even when I was drowning in doubt, there are always life savers being thrown out to me. You know who you are. :) I can't express how important it is to surround yourself by inspiring, real and raw people. People who trust your struggles, and allow you to do the same. People who want the same things as you, people to push you harder and further than you would have done yourself. Surround yourself with those people.

The date is fast approaching...25 days (but who's counting??). We haven't really trialled this spring. I'm not sure trialling is a proper way to prepare any person, or dog. The energy in a local trial here in New Brunswick isn't even a fraction of the energy at a larger trial - certainly higher than training, but isn't there more important things to prepare for? I've been to enough competitions (agility, basketball, soccer, volleyball; you name it) to know that the most important skill is - for me - loving the game. Better yet, loving the dog or person you're doing it with. Although I never fail at loving my dogs, and never blame them for the mistakes we (I) make on course, I do sometimes forget to love the game in the hard moments.

That brings me to Regionals. Regionals, as it usually is, was a roller coaster. I find Regionals the most stressful competition I do all year. I always have, and likely, I always will. After last year's, every time I would think about it, I would cringe. Last year's showing was sub-par to say in the least. Easily the worst mentality I've ever had. I got into my head, and it's really hard to get me out. I let others get into my head, too. It was a hard month in my life. I let pressure get to me. I let myself fall apart.

Of course I didn't want a repeat showing of that. Anything would be better than that. How did I prepare? I just didn't think about it. I kept forgetting about it, actually. I never went out to train with Mach and say "Okay, for Regionals I need to do A, B, and C, and a bit more of A". I went out with Mach and had fun. That's how I prepared.

The first day went splendid. We actually ran a clean standard. Do you know how long it's been (in AAC) that we've run a clean standard? Longer than I'd like to admit, hah. It felt so good. Then he got the gamble. Already, we're beating ourselves from last year (some bars in the jumpers, but still stellar). Day 1 and we're in first place. Usually I don't look at results, and I don't want to know where I sit (the me getting into my head thing...it's worked out great, actually), but I felt so relaxed about the day I looked, and I was thrilled. Did it change how I came back Sunday morning? No, it didn't. He ran the gamble clean again, and that qualified us for Nationals. But then a very unfortunate missed dogwalk contact happened in the standard, and I got a bit upset. If I showed you by how much he missed it, you would probably be upset too. I was a little shaken up, but deep breaths deep breaths. I liked the jumpers course; it looked really fun. It was pouring rain, I was soaking wet, freezing cold, and frankly, exhausted. We went out to try to finish our weekend strong. Bar. Bar. But then the worst part...went past the last jump. I didn't handle it in a way that should indicate to by-pass the last jump. Images of last year's Regionals tore through my brain. I couldn't believe it. He was just gone. Hot fire ripped through my chest. That's not how I wanted to end our best Regionals yet.

Of course I was thrilled with his score. Over 500! We hadn't even come close the past two years. That was a distant goal of mine for this year, but not something I was actively trying to achieve. After all, I can't control how many points I end up with, but I can control my handling decisions, the way I treat my dog, and how fast I run. But that last run shook me, and I felt beaten up. I know I looked unimpressed when I went up to get my ribbon. I was gutted. But why? My mom ran her little Rowdie, who is fearful of dogs, and stresses low. But she kept upbeat, and ran. And you know their score? 349.96. She wasn't even upset. She was happy, and I was happy for her. He ran really well for a trial situation, and I really believe there will be more break throughs with him soon. I kept watching everyone, so happy with their results, so happy for everyone, just happy. Yet, I wasn't. That upset me, so I was just in a vicious cycle of being mad at myself for being mad, and the fire grew and grew. But why?

But you know what? Bars will fall, contacts will be missed, people will call you a bitch, want you to fail, and you will fall down. That's life. But you know what else? You can get back up, and you can always win whether you come first place or not.

 I feel ready for the EO, just like I feel ready to eat supper - I'm hungAry, but I'd rather my eggs fried than scrambled. That's life.

 (photos from dog sitting, and kickass adventures to Fall Brook Falls & Priceville footbridge - the biggest and best in NB. Faced fears, had moments with Mother Nature. Life is great, and fun, and summer solstice, and sun, and friends, and dancing, and bike rides in the rain. That's life.)

Four Months

Blog posts are impossible during school. But these past four months have been nothing but full on, and are about to get busier!

We started the new year off with a road trip (in a snowstorm, I might add) to New Hampshire for a USDAA trial. Our team was perfectly named "East Coast Eh?", and we pulled through in the end with a 3rd place finish! Mach placed 2nd individually, and even got a pesky GP Q! The entire BARK! crew is always so welcoming, and I've never seen a more supportive group (oh, do they ever cheer loud!). I also had my first Japanese Hibachi grill experience. If you haven't been to one, trust me, you want to go. I didn't stop laughing the entire time. Good fun. Also, singing "Oh Canada" in French really loudly while waiting for our table at Olive Garden was worth every single stare. 

Then UNB decided to go on strike for three weeks, and mostly I was upset that when they finally came back and had classes during March Break and extended the term, that I had an exam on the weekend of Spring Cup. I wasn't ready to go back, but education and stuff (I hate it, but I guess I *am* grateful). But during the first week of the strike, I felt all inspired, and chopped off my beloved hair, and got my nose pierced. Change is cool, and fun, and should happen more often!

During the Winter Olympics, I was glued to my laptop. I lived, breathed, and dreamed Olympics. We have some incredible athletes representing our country, and all their stories are so great, and I loved every second of it (also, we are kick ass at everything; #WeAreWinter). Maybe Mark McMorris had something to do with it, but I felt the need to hit the slopes as much as possible this winter. I am determined to learn how to do all the fancy tricks at some point in my life (catching three inches of air is as much as I can handle at this point, haha). Watch out Winter Olympics 2018! ;)

A spontaneous trip to the ever so lovely Hays Falls also happened. We maybe kind of, a little bit got lost on the way there, but we did find our way and the trail is so beautiful after it snows. There was a group already there when we arrived, and Mach wasted no time at all at making friends that would throw him a stick. Good people, and good places. We also found our way home using only road signs, so basically we are gypsies. 

Toffee turned 9 years old this year. NINE. Where on earth has the time gone? I remember going to get her, and a few weeks later starting middle school. I remember all of the places she brought me, and the people I met because of her, and the experiences we had together. I can't help but think how different my life would be if I didn't get her as my pup. Would another dog have gelled with me as much as she has? Would we have had the same success as Tof and I had? Would that dog teach me as much as she has? Would any of it be the same? Impossible to say, and that's what makes life so fun, isn't it? I'm so thankful to have this little girl in my life, and even though her turning nine was a little emotional for me (I know, I know), only the white on her nose has shown her age. She is just as fiery as ever! 

The next big adventure! World Team Tryouts!!

It started out as the BEST TRIP EVER. We got our flight changed so it was direct. We also got bumped to first class. SO EXCITING. They give you really nice meals, with REAL dishes, and there also may have been free beverages of some kind, and WARM FACE CLOTHS, and so much leg room!! I was so excited the entire time. I even tried studying, but we all know how that went over. I was busy taking photos of everything. 

Andre and I competed at our first CKC agility trial on the Friday before the event. Mach handled the flight so well, he wasn't off at all the next morning. I still get the warm fuzzies inside when I see Mach being a brave boy in situations where he once wasn't, or when he takes new experiences in stride without falter. The facility is like a dream. If you ever have the chance to run at McCann's place, do so! It's wonderful. Going from a thick, dusty old dirt barn all winter to turf made me feel like I was running on clouds. So fast. 

When we walked into the building on the first morning of the tryouts, there was a very noticeable energy shift from the day before. Everything was buzzing, and I got to meet some more great people, and competitors. I don't usually get nervous for runs; I could tell you all of the runs that I have felt nervous in the 11 years I have been running agility. That morning, I was nervous. We didn't start off the day in the way I had hoped we would, and then the rest of the day was more or less the same. I'll be honest, I was bummed out. I needed my Mom. She wasn't there. I was half way across the country, and bummed out. But I took lots of deep breaths, thought a lot about what we were doing, and got a good night's rest. 

I came back on Sunday with a different mind set. We were connected again, and I am proud of all of our runs that day. Mach has brought me on so many roller coasters; at some point there is a little tiny mental breakdown, but in the end, I feel so bold and exhilarated, and want to hop on again. This weekend was no exception. We ended the weekend with a fun "Mia-Chase" at 22". Even though we didn't win on a spot that day, I'm proud of how we came back from the first day, and ended the weekend strong! Are comebacks our thing? 

Oh, here's our highlights video. 

The trip would not be complete without a dramatic sprint (literally) to our gate when we were a tad late getting to the airport. Nothing like leaving t-shirt weather to come home to yet another ice storm! 

Then it was a month of dragging me to the finish line, rather than sprinting to it. Exams are hard. But remember when my exam was on the Sunday of Spring Cup? Well, thank you Andre. He made me email my profs and look at that! Got two of them switched so I could go! The power of fancy words (they were actually so chill with it). I had finished all but one exam before going to Spring Cup. 

Spring Cup. That was a whole lot of fun. Mach ran like a dream. Maybe, just a little out of shape (sorry buddy), so not our fastest weekend. The courses were wide open, which isn't necessarily our strength, BUT, the only bars he knocked all weekend was that HUGE ascending double. He has come such a long way, and I am so so so proud of that weekend. We won both the snooker and gamblers, so won combined games. We also managed to place 3rd in Masters Series Heat 2 with a bye to finals! Plus, we qualified in two Agility runs, so we got a bye to second round at the Canadian Open! I'm thrilled with his results, but more so with how he ran through out the weekend, and with my mentality. He challenges me in so many ways Toffee never could, so it's been a very fun ride to piece our puzzle together. Watch him be really cool.

Mach had a lot of TNT relatives who were also competing at the Spring Cup! Good looking, talented pups! 

And lastly, a fun outing with my long lost friend Tracy who is probably the coolest person you'll ever meet. We went to Tree Go. First customers of the season! We felt like squirrels up in the trees - so much fun! Go to Tree Go, seriously. Great work out, too. 

And with that, Spring is finally here! All the great, unknown, and exciting adventures awaits us! Let's do it!