I'm not brave a lot.
Not ever, really.
But I was brave. So I applaud myself for once. I WAS BRAVE.
Yes, I finally listened to my own advice of the month and I took a chance, because they are always worth taking.
And I truly belive that they are. No, probably most of the time they wont give you the outcome that you had planned or hoped for. They will teach you lessons, though. And you will learn them. Maybe not the first time, or even the second or third. But you will learn, and you will grow. This, I do believe, is for certain.
Old habits die hard. Unfortunately I have the habit of making a fool of myself and screwing things up, usually for good. And you know the suckiest part is? It's not like my heart was broken or anything. Not at all. Because no one even truly has my heart to break. No one ever does. I get myself all wrapped up into these situations that are destined for doom. But, they dont have to be...but somehow I always make it play out that way. Sometimes I'm smart, but most of the time I'm not.
I'm crippled and slow.
Even though there are promises that things wont change, this heart may rightly be naive, but it knows all about broken promises. No, this heart aint no stupid thing. It knows when disappointment is coming. It can sense it. It's like a sixth sense. But this heard decides that LIFE IS GREAT! That things are full of love and so full of life and it should ALWAYS be happy.
Oh, and it tries to be.
It puts on its mask of happiness on even the darkest days because it doesnt want anyone to believe that it is unhappy. Because it's not. Oh, it's so happy. But for that day, it's just sad. Yes, it'll find many reasons to smile and even laugh, but for that day, it won't be that god damned happy heart that you want to shoot because your heart is having a shitty day and you think everyone around you should be too.
That's the difference between this heart and that heart. It doesn't want any other hearts to be sad. It knows, all too well, that being sad sucks and no heart should have to feel sadness all the time. Of course, sadness has to have its days, too. But they should be scarce.
But despite the days of sadness that this heart knows, it took a chance. Oh, did it ever. And no, it didn't work out the way it had hoped for. Though it knew that any other option was dead. But for a tiny moment, this heart saw a tiny shimmer of hope. It did. It was bright, too. And happy. Just like the sun.
But just like the sun, it eventually will come to an end. This shimmer was much small than the sun, so naturally it died much quicker. This hope was very hasty. Hasty is was. Very rushed, desperate almost.
Oh, but it was bursting with potential. And I think that's what kills this heart the most. There's potential in so much. But it is never, ever, ever reached. The potential just sits...and fades away.
Oh, but I was brave. Brave I was.